This past holiday, most of us have had our cake and ate it too. Lots of it. We welcomed the new year with snugger fitting clothes, some extra pounds and an overall rounder appearance. To kickstart the weight loss process, many of us will attempt the dreaded diet. This will probably include you holding your nose as you throw down a bottle of apple cider vinegar, drink cups of strangely scented slimming tea and get hoaxed into buying all sorts of diet pills, which will turn you into a jitterbug and keep you awake for weeks. 

You attempt to only buy fresh fruit and veg when you're at the grocery store, but get sidelined by the smell of freshly baked doughnuts from the bakery. Then you (accidentally on purpose) turn into the snack aisle and with one swish of sugary sweetness, your diet flies out the window and junk food sneaks back into your kitchen cupboard. 

We've always been told that in order to drop the kg's, we have to have a healthy balanced diet, cut out sugar, carbs and anything with taste as well as exercise until our knees give in. There is no quick and easy solution to losing weight. Or, is there? Well, according to some absurd dieting tricks, you can, and fast. But is it actually safe? Crazy diet regimes may work for short term fixes, but in the long run, it can cause your body some serious damage.

Here is a round up of the weirdest diets I have ever heard of:

The Cookie Diet 

Now, don't be fooled into thinking that all-you-can-eat Oreos, Choc-kits and Chips Ahoy is the basis of this diet. Not at all. This diet, created by physician Dr. Siegal, will have you eating 6 hunger control cookies a day, made from a 'secret' amino acid protein blend, combined with prune sweetened oats. Anything that's a 'secret' should not be consumed in my book.

The Raw Food Diet 

Raw foodies believe that cooking food breaks down necessary enzymes and by eating food that's raw, you will have greater energy. On paper, this diet sounds like an extremely healthy one to follow, as raw foods have more nutrients and antioxidants than of food which has been cooked. You will be safe from additives, chemicals and preservatives too. The raw food diet consists mostly of organic fruit and vegetables. But you can have uncooked rice if you want to. Say goodbye to your roast chicken and hello to the carrot sticks. 

The Cabbage Soup Diet 

This classic option entails a diet of cabbage soup - and only cabbage soup, for seven days. All the spice in the world wouldn’t make this leafy green veg more palatable. On the up side, there are no restrictions on quantities, you can eat as much cabbage soup as you want. Aimed at the dim and desperate, this diet claims that you can lose up to 4.5kg in just one week! 

The Baby Food Diet 

The reason babies weigh under 10 kilograms is because all they eat are little jars of low calorie pureed food. That's exactly the amount of food they need. For an 80kg adult to replace their normal meals with baby food is just out right ridiculous. All the bottles of Purity on a supermarket shelf will still not be enough to fill you up. However, this diet is ideal if you're too lazy to chew. Which brings us to... 

The Chewing Diet 

In the early 1900s, Horace Fletcher unveiled a new weight loss technique, under which you had to chew your food 32 times or 100 times a minute, without swallowing it. He theorized that your body would absorb all the nutrients it needed and you would be able to enjoy the taste of food without the risk of weight gain. He must've been the skinniest health food faddist of the Victorian era. There is truth to the fact that chewing your food thoroughly is good for your digestion, but just make sure you swallow it.

The Lemonade Diet 

Also known as the Master Cleanse, this diet is very popular with celebrities. Drink a mixture of water, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and lemon juice for 2 weeks, and you will lose 10kg. No food required for this diet at all, so it will really save on all that time you waste cooking. This is a potentially dangerous way to lose weight and could you really stay sane while guzzling down a sweet spicy sour drink for 12 days in a row? 

The Red Bull Diet 

Another senseless celebrity supported slim down. Try having Red Bull, water and nothing else for 8 months. The results? You will lose 45kg like a young New Zealand mum did, after trying to shed post-pregnancy weight. Consuming up to 14 cans of this energy drink a day will suppress your appetite, but be prepared for the serious health repercussions. Like a heart attack, stomach cramps, anxiety, shaking, nausea, exhaustion...the list goes on. That's why this drink was banned in Norway, Uraguay, France and Denmark. Red Bull gives you wings? Yup, flies you straight to the ER. 

The Ice Cube Diet 

Need a snack? Why not have an ice cube? Not just any ordinary ice cube though, but a block of Hoodia. These ice cubes contain lemon juice mixed with 90% of pure Hoodia, which is a plant extract that is believed to restrain your appetite and cravings. Hoodia was supposedly used by the San living in the Kalahari, to ward off hunger while on hunting trips. It curbs your cravings and it's cooling on a really hot day. At over R500 for a 40 day supply of these frozen cubes, I say just have some for free from your own freezer. 

The Grapefruit Diet 

Do you like grapefruit? Enough to eat it for every meal? Well, on the grapefruit plan, you will…for 12 days. Grapefruit for breakfast, lunch, snacks, supper and dessert.  Sound boring? Absolutely. Will it work? Probably, but only because your daily intake on this diet is around 600 calories or less. However, it should be noted that just as quickly as the weight drops off, your weight will rebound when you begin eating like a normal person again. 

The 5 Bite Diet 

Dr Alwin Lewis's book, “Why Weight Around?” describes a diet that allows you to only eat 5 bites. Per meal. That's it. Talk about portion control. You can have 5 bites at lunch and 5 bites at supper. You can drink stuff too, but only if it has no calories. After 3 days, your body should trick itself into thinking that it's satisfied with bird-sized servings. Try it if you want to look like Victoria Beckham. Actually, I think she eats less than that.

And finally, the most delusional diet in the world is:

The Cotton Ball Diet 

Ever wondered what a cotton ball tastes like? Me neither. Can humans possibly consume them? Apparently so, there are some people (and supermodels) out there who do. They eat these fiber-filled fluffy balls of goodness that makes you feel full, so you won't feel the need to eat real food. There are 2 ways to eat them, dry or soaked in gelatin. Deeelicious! If you live to survive this one, let me know.

All that Diet Talk has made me hungry. Anyone for 5 bites of a Lemony-Grapefruit flavoured cookie with a side of cabbage cotton wool soup? Nope, didn't think so :) 

Snack inspiration...

*Images from Weheartit


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